From the Heart(part 4 of a 4 part series on Love and Romance)
Barriers to Love

Emotional scars from childhood can impair your ability to form loving relationships.

Fear of abandonment causes constant anxiety about love relationships. If you were emotionally or physically abandoned as a child, you may be constantly watching for signs of waning interest or disapproval in your partner. You may even end relationships prematurely in an attempt to protect yourself from being hurt. Of course, this brings about exactly what you fear most: ending the relationship.

Fear of rejection is often a byproduct of a childhood marked by conditional love -- receiving love only when you were pleasant and obedient. It can give rise to a desperate need to please your partner: you dare not reveal anything about yourself that might be unattractive, tiresome or displeasing, for fear you’ll be rejected.

Conflict between what you want (love) and what you need when you’re afraid of being hurt (emotional distance or control) puts the brakes on love. Control and distance may make you feel safer, but they also stifle the emotional closeness that is necessary for love to grow.

Low self-esteem makes it difficult to accept love when it’s offered. If you don’t believe you’re lovable, it’s hard to believe that others love you — or to respect them if they do.

Predetermined ideas can make it difficult to recognize love. One couple was at odds until they realized that they simply had different ways of expressing their love. He bought her gifts; she appreciated them, but questioned whether or not he really loved her because he rarely said "1 love you.

Insecurity leads some people to withhold giving love until they receive love. Believing that love is a finite commodity and fearing its scarcity, they try to balance outgoing and incoming love to avoid emotional "bankruptcy."