Helping Children Cope with Divorce

Explain the divorce simply and honestly in words that the child can understand. Don't try to hide or deny marital problems; the explanations children create for such tension are usually far worse than the actual facts.

Avoid placing blame for the divorce. Disparaging the other parent only confuses children, who still love both of you. Make sure the children know they are not to blame. Don't assume they'll know this without being told.

Make it clear that you aren't "divorcing" your children along with your spouse. Reassure them that both parents love and care for them even though you won't all be living together. Don't ask children to decide which parent to live with. It's a no-win situation for them, since they can only please one parent by rejecting the other.

Allow your child to vent hurt and angry feelings without taking them personally. Tell very young children a story about divorced parents who continue to love their children. Drawing pictures can also help youngsters communicate feelings they can't otherwise express.

When you fell guilty about the effects of the divorce on your child, remember that unhappy homes cause emotional problems and delinquent behavior as often as divorce. The pain of divorce is a crisis that lessens with time; the tension of unhappy parents is constant.

Avoid unnecessary changes. If possible, keep children in the same neighborhood and school during the period immediately after the divorce.