Is There an Elephant in Your Living Room?

A lot of people - both family and friends - look at depression much as they would if they saw an elephant in their living room. After the initial shock, most try to ignore, walk around, cover up, or do something to make the Elephant go away. Many friends and family members think that if they change, the Depressed person will change too. This doesn't work for elephants, and it certainly does not work in helping a person with depression.

Depression is a major disease, but attached to it is a difficult stigma . About half of the population think Depression is little more than a personal weakness. Too many people think Depression can be cured simply by "Pulling yourself up by your boot straps." Such an attitude toward Depression can do far more harm than good.

Depression is a debilitating illness that strikes between 10 and 20 million Americans a year. It is a major contributing factor in substance abuse, family distress and suicide. Studies show that 15 percent of untreated, severely depressed persons will take their own lives.

We have listed some of the symptoms of Depression... and some of the common, though inappropriate, reactions of family and friends trying to cope with the disease. We've also included some suggestions you might find helpful.

Help is Available!
The diagnosis and treatment of Depression is specialized and requires the help of a trained mental health professional. In many cases, the person suffering from Depression seeks professional help for the symptoms rather than the root problem of Depression. For example, people often seek help for eating disorders, or sleep problems, or alcohol and drug abuse only to discover Depression is the actual cause.

Symptom of Depression: Feelings of sadness or irritability.
Common Reaction: I'll walk around the Elephant! And, try to adjust my moods to balance the symptoms of Depression.
What Should Happen: Learn the medical facts about the disease of depression. Call a professional mental health provider, such as Dr. Gruen.

Symptom of Depression: Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.
Common Reaction: I'll just try harder to get rid of the Elephant! He's depressed because of me! Maybe if I change . . There must be something wrong with me, I'm not a true friend, a good husband or wife, or child.
What Should Happen: Learn to separate the illness of Depression from the person - you are not responsible for the person's feelings.

Symptom of Depression: Changes in weight or appetite.
Common Reaction: Beat the Elephant with a wet noodle. If I nag, scold or complain about their eating habits, they might change.
What Should Happen: Suggest healthy meals at regular times - but accept there is a limit - you can't control the person's eating habits.

Symptoms of Depression: Changes in Sleep patterns.
Common Reaction: The Elephants are on a Merry-go-round. I can help by worrying, and then worry some more.. It must help if I can't sleep.
What Should Happen: The more you worry the less effective you will be - take positive action and get professional help for yourself.

Symptom of Depression: Fatigue or loss of energy.
Common Reaction: It isn't my fault the Elephant won't move. It is just a stage... it has nothing to do with anger, blame, job stress or financial problems, etc.
What Should Happen: Instead of blaming, recognize the anger and deal with it. You have a right to feel angry. But, you don have the right to take it out on other people or situations.

Symptom of Depression: Restlessness or decreased activity.
Common Reaction: If you put a large blanket over the Elephant, no one will see it. Ignore the situation, and maybe it will go away.
What Should Happen: Once again, recognize change in activity as a real symptom of the disease of depression. Acknowledge it and do something to get help.

Symptom of Depression: Feeling guilty, hopeless, or worthless.
Common Reaction: The Elephant just won't go through the door, so, what's the use of trying. It's not so bad... I know lots of people who feel the same way - Guilty, hopeless and worthless.
What Should Happen: Remember, don't take on the depression yourself do something for yourself to boost your self-worth.

Symptom of Depression: Difficulty in concentrating, remembering things or making a decision.

Common Reaction: If we all pull together, maybe the Elephant will go away. Nobody is perfect. Maybe if everyone tries to take up the slack and ignore the problem he'll be better.
What Should Happen: It's not fair and it doesn't work. Set definite limits for yourself and stick to them. Again, professional help setting guidelines is helpful.

Symptom of Depression: Complaints of aches and pains, when there is no medical reason.
Common Reaction: A coat of white wash will seem to make the Elephant disappear. I'm convinced she's faking it. I'll just gloss over the complaints and they'll go away.
What Should Happen: Take care of your own health, get regular checkups and encourage the person to do the same.

Symptom of Depression: Thoughts of death, reckless behavior, talk of suicide. I'm convinced she's faking it. I'll just gloss over the complaints and they'll go away.
Common Reaction: The Elephant is too big for me . . . let's call in a professional trainer. Help, push, persuade, do something to get help from a trained mental health provider. You can no longer ignore the Elephant in the Living Room.
What Should Happen: Call the nearest professional mental health care provider. While you didn't cause the depression, you can get help.